Movie Review: The Mortal Instruments – City Of Bones

Harry Potter Clary Fray is a regular girl, living a slightly boring life in England Toronto Brooklyn. Then on her eleventh birthday, Hagrid a strange man appears at her door and tells her that she’s not a muggle mundane, but is in fact a wizard shadowhunter. Turns out her mum didn’t die in a car accident isn’t actually an artist, she’s hiding from her life as a super powerful witch shadowhunter. An enigmatic blonde boy, Draco Malfoy Jace Wayland, takes her to Hogwarts The Institute, a crazy castle hidden from muggle mundane viewing. Harry Clary gets introduced to the knowledgable old English mentor, Dumbledore Hodge, and then she gets taken to the Chamber Of Secrets City Of Bones to try and discover more about her past. Some confusing things happen, and then all of a sudden Darth Vader Valentine appears and is all “Luke Clary, I am your father”. Hey, it turns out that Luke and Leia Clary and Jace who have spent most of the film falling in love are actually siblings. Ha! And that’s what you missed on Glee Harry Potter Star Wars The City Of Bones.

Cassandra Clare’s “The Mortal Instruments” series is loosely based on her extremely successful (and extremely plagiarised) Harry Potter Fan Fiction, “The Draco Trilogy”. Due to this, you’ll notice everything you see in the film seems really, really familiar. It’s best just to go with it, or you could play “oh look at the obvious stealing from other films” bingo.

The movie was so bad you had to laugh, or otherwise you were going to cry. Part of that is the fault of the team who put the movie together, but the majority of the fault lies in the hands of Judith Rumelt Ms. Clare who thought that by stealing ideas and putting them together in a hodge-podge way with a splash of incest everything would be okay (spoiler alert: it so wasn’t).

Standout moments of the film included the line “I can’t remember what she’d want me to forget”, and the scene in the greenhouse where Jace and Clary share a kiss complete with a Demi Lovato soundtrack, glowing flowers, a sprinkler system, and stumbling down stairs into each others arms.

Jamie Campbell Bower was the best part of the film for me, but I’m unsure if that was because he was actually good, or because it was the closest to fan fiction Draco I was ever going to see on screen. The film wasn’t all horrible, but you better take some biscuits to help with all the cheese.

Cassie (as she’s affectionately known by her supporters) has spent the better part of the last year boasting about how much input she had into the film. But now that it’s getting bad reviews, she’s telling everyone who cares to listen that she had no say in it at all. It’s so typical of her, and just one of the many reasons why you shouldn’t support her franchise.

If, like me, you’re interested in fandom studies, here’s a great article about The Mortal Instruments, Fan Fiction, and derivative culture. Thanks to Jenna for the link!

Rating: 1/5

The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones is out now through Roadshow Films. Watch at your own detriment.

frangipani princess xoxo

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2 thoughts on “Movie Review: The Mortal Instruments – City Of Bones

  1. Pingback: Harry Potter Redux | The Blog That Made No Sense

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