They’re filming Puberty Blues at my college today.
While I was eating breakfast, I watched them set up for filming, watched the actors get ready, watched them turn my home into a 1970s boarding school. As I munched on my crumpet and listened to my friends talk about exams, all I could think was “life would be so much easier if I was an actor”.
Studying lines instead of studying media theories, having hair and make-up done instead of rushing to class with hair still wet from a shower…all of my problems would be solved if I could just be paid to talk to a camera.
And that’s the crux of my personality, always finding greener grass over the fence and assuming I’m living in a dirt covered wasteland.
I have a pretty good life. I’m studying my dream course, living at my first accommodation preference, completing an internship at my favourite magazine…but even with all of the positives, I often find myself blinded by the ways my life could be better.
I could be a famous actor.
I could have a paid journalism role.
I could have a fabulous social life.
But the what ifs aren’t going to change anything. All I can be is me.
And if me is a melancholy nineteen year old who blogs in a dressing gown while wishing that One Direction would become my best friends, I guess I’m going to have to learn to live with that.
There are ways that my life could be better. But there are also ways that my life could be so much worse.
We don’t all get to have a fairy godmother, and so the realisation of dreams takes time. Maybe one day I’ll wake up with enough money to eat McNuggets for every meal, and be paid to write about fandom. But that’s not today. Today I have to study for exams, and write a presentation, and stare wistfully out my window at the girls who are living their dreams.
But on Saturday I get to see Tim Minchin in Jesus Christ Superstar, and on Sunday I get to meet Joe Brooks, and in two weeks I get to go and write about Supanova (and meet Bradley James), and in three weeks I get to go home to a loving family who support me in every single way possible. So maybe I’m not a model starring in Puberty Blues, and I never will be, but if I take time to stop and count my blessings, my side of the fence is looking pretty green too.
frangipani princess xoxo