Today was one of those days. You know the days that are so overwhelming you find yourself eating chocolate in the dark and questioning everything? Yeah. One of those. I’m currently in Sydney doing the university open day circuit. I had thought it would be fun, but I’m left feeling frustrated and unsure. I toured colleges today, and they were simultaneously amazing and frightening. I’ve always dreamt of going to college. Before I even knew what it really was, I’d tell people I was going to Wesley. But now I’m at the point where it’s real and scary and you realise how competitive everything is and you question just what you’ve done with your life so far. A standard interview question is “What would you bring to college life?”. What would I bring? Well, I like to sit in my room and watch Doctor Who, if that’s a contribution. I also like eating tacos and crying over fictional couples. Am I sounding like a perfect candidate yet?
I don’t hold any leadership positions, I don’t play sport, and I’m not coming first in anything. I can write reasonably well, but you only have to look at the atar for a media degree to see that that’s not unique.
In the last week, it seems like every single person I have encountered has asked me what I’m going to do next year. And then when I tell them I want to do an arts degree, they say ‘oh…and where will that take you?’
In my mind it takes me to the highest ranks of the mastheads at all my favourite magazines, but a pit-stop at the uts open day and the snaking line to the journalism booth again brought the competitive nature crashing home. When I was fifteen and doing work experience I was something special, but now at eighteen I’m just one of the mob. True, I have contacts, but at the end of the day talent speaks, and what if I don’t have enough of that?
The truth is, I’m doing an arts degree because journalism degrees scare me. Because if I’m going to make it, I want to make it in my own way.
And whether that way involves crying over fanfiction in a college room is something that we will just have to wait to find out.
Frangipani Princess xoxo