Last First Day Ever

Today was my last first day of school ever. I expected it to be some kind of momentous occasion in my life, but it was just like every other day of school ever. Well, to be fair, I had a pretty awesome curry for lunch, got full marks on an assessment task, and pulled rank to part a crowd of juniors in the hallway, so it wasn’t all bad. But I think I’m the only one of my classmates who felt the day was something big. 

These next few months are going to be filled with lots of ‘lasts’, and as the outrageously nostalgic person I am (I cried the other day reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower when some of the characters graduated high school because I realised how close mine was), I’m sure I’m going to treat every one of them like a super special occasion. My friends will probably get sick of me declaring “GUYS! This is the last (day) of week (number) we’ll ever have in high school!” but I’m the kind of person who celebrates fraction birthdays, so they should be used to me by now. 

The closer the HSC and grad gets, the less I feel prepared. Not prepared in a “I haven’t studied” way, because though I am the queen of procrastination, I do also get my homework done (most of the time). I mean prepared in a…how am I meant to enter the real world? Kind of way. In the first week of the holidays my parents went away for a few days, and I felt like I was ringing them every five minutes, baffled over how to do simple household tasks. They can’t actually expect me to be ready to leave home in a few months, can they? I am the most immature eighteen year old I know, and my preference of sleeping to partying is one not rivalled by many in my year. Growing up around year twelve students (thank you, teacher-parents), I always imagined I’d feel like an adult at this point…but I don’t. I feel like the same little girl who started this blog five years ago, and the thought of choosing university courses in the next few weeks is scaring me half to death. 

I’m a little bit in love with the trailer for the Perks movie at the moment, and there’s a bit in it where Patrick gets (what I assume is) his final marks back, and he has received a C-. He raises his hands above his head and shouts “I’M BELOW AVERAGE!” but he’s not upset by it. He’s embraced it. While watching it, I had the realisation that I’m wasting my life stressing about marks every day. If Patrick can be happy being below average, surely I can manage to smile if I get an 80% (I may or may not have cried last time I got that mark. Or something). Life does not revolve around your ATAR, and I’m not going to spend my last ever weeks in High School having panic attacks because I’m not getting super high marks. If I study, and try, I will get the marks I deserve. And if that’s a C-, well, Patrick and I can be below average together. 

My favourite part of Perks, as I mentioned in my last post, is the line “and in that moment I swear we were infinite”, and it is my goal this term to have as many infinite feeling moments as I can. You only get one shot at year twelve, but you have a life time to change careers and make up for not-quite-perfect marks. I’m going to take my chance to be infinite while I can, because before I know it, I’ll  be in the real world.

frangipani princess xoxo

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