I Hate Making Decisions

Often when I’m at the gym, I’ll watch a bit of Millionaire Hot Seat. What I’ve noticed a lot of contestants do is be totally set on one answer, and then with like five seconds to go, suddenly change to a completely different one. 
That pretty much sums up my day today. 
One of my subjects is modern history, and there are two classes of it in my year. The one I was in was fine, but you know how sometimes you just don’t click with things? There’s nothing particularly wrong with it or you, but something just isn’t working? That was me and my modern class. I was disinterested, I couldn’t find the relevance in what my teacher would spend forever teaching us, and my marks were slipping. I thought about doing something about it, but I decided that as I’d lasted this long, I could wait it out a bit longer. Then suddenly in modern this morning I completely changed my mind and as soon as the bell rang I went down to see the senior deputy to ask if I could change classes. 
I was hoping for a nice reaction, but the one I got made me feel like the contestants who change what they want to lock in at the last second, only to be told by Eddie that they’re very, very wrong. 
They eventually said yes, but it was with a lot of “really, are you sure that’s a good idea?” and “oh, I’ll have to think about it”. 
Of course, that reaction in turn made me want to slam on the brakes and scream “WAIT! WAIT! I made the wrong choice!! Pretend this never happened!” 
I’ve always been quite indecisive, and often after the long process of sleepless nights making the decision, I’ll take action only to decide that, in fact, my decision was the wrong choice. Then the sleepless nights tossing up options are replaced with sleepless nights filled with regret. I’m pretty sure I am the master of the If Only situation (and the Worst Case Scenario), and I will spend hour upon hour contemplating “if only I had done this…”, “I would be so much happier if only I had done that” and “oh no, this decision is going to make me fail my hsc, and then I won’t get into uni, and then I’ll become a homeless drug addict and lead a horrible life”. 
I hope my new modern class works out, and is worth the disappointed looks (teachers) and tears (me). 
Life would just be so much easier if decisions weren’t involved.


frangipani princess xoxo

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