Musings On Friendship

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships in the last few weeks, as I’ve drifted away from some, grown closer to others, and generally observed the dynamics of all. Most friendships around me are not large, but various groups of three or four. I don’t necessarily speak to them all daily, or hang out with them all the time, but they all hold special places within my heart.
What I’ve come to notice lately is that the friendships, no matter which group I am observing, are not equally divided by however many people there are. My closest friends at the moment are a group of three girls (and myself) from my school. But I’m closest to one of them in particular, share a different bond with another, and lately only seem to see the third in fleeting moments. But the one I see in fleeting moments is very close to another one of the girls, and so the circle continues. At the end of the day, however, we can all sit and laugh together, share secrets, make fun of each other, and know that when push comes to shove, the others will always be there. Seeing us all separately at school an outsider may not put us together as friends, but we share a brilliant connection. 

It’s taken me eighteen years of having friends, but I’m finally learning that friendship dynamics can be wildly different, and just because your friends aren’t acting like the ones on television, it doesn’t mean that they’re not perfect. I used to get stupidly jealous over the silliest things when it came to friends, and would get so upset if someone paid more attention to someone else than they did to me. When I was younger, I would constantly be fighting with all my friends (yes, I was that person), just because I wanted everything to work out like the friendships of my dreams. 

Of course, true friendships, and in turn, happiness, came when I realised that there is no such thing as a dream friendship. You will argue with each other, get sick of each other, bitch about others in the group behind their back (I’m not perfect, I’m just a teenage girl), and sometimes you really won’t feel like seeing them, but you are there for each other at the end of the day.

I used to be so caught up in the notion of having a ‘best friend’ that I didn’t stop to consider the consequences, and whether I was just choosing people so they (and I) could have a title, rather than choosing them for being my perfect soul-friend. I don’t have a specific ‘best friend’ anymore, but I have an amazing list of people that I consider to be my ‘best friends’. They all have their various roles – from shoulder to cry on, to co-pity partier, to study buddy, to crazy random fun friend… I have someone for everything. I realised just how amazing they were at my birthday this year when they gave me the most thoughtful, perfect presents in the world. The standout for me was the candle that said “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”. My friends know all my big secrets, and to give me something like that to remember that something as simple as lighting the candle and thinking of them (and Harry Potter) to make me smile a little more, is just the greatest gift I have ever received (yes, even better than the iPhone). 

My friendships (and yours) may not be what you see in chick-flicks and on tv, but it’s personal and special, and it’s as close to perfect as I’ve ever had, and I wouldn’t change my crazy bunch for anything in the world. 

People come and go from our lives for reasons that we may not understand at the time, but looking back it becomes perfectly clear that it was God’s way of saying, “Hey now, this person isn’t quite right for you, but in a minute I’m going to introduce you to someone who is”. And when you meet those people, it’s like everything clicks into place. You could live in different towns, states, or even countries, but there’s just a connection there that will forever hold you into place. When I was in France, my friends and I deemed it “soul friendships”, and “soul groups”. Like soul-mates, they’re friends that were created with you perfectly in mind, and it doesn’t matter what happens, you’re meant to be friends.

It’s a cute idea, and as I get older, I find myself slowly but surely amassing my soul group, and every time someone else fits into place, it just feels so very right. I am very lucky to have the friends I do, and I hope that you feel like you have a soul group too. And if you don’t, I can promise you, something amazing is just around the corner.

frangipani princess xoxo

2 thoughts on “Musings On Friendship

  1. It's interesting to see the differences, presumably due to country mentality and smaller year group, between our friend groups. My year has mostly two distinct groups and we all mingle constantly We all spent most of the last week together and have grown insanely close. They are only a few people in my year group I wouldn't consider friends.

  2. Can totally relate to this blog post. It might not seem like the ones we yearn for because of what we see on TV but the kind of friendship I have now is as close to reality as possible. Like you said, you may not always see each other but at the end of the day, you know that you can count on them. I used to think that great friendship meant that we always have to see each other, everyday, for that friendship cycle to continue but as I grew older, I realised that this isn't necessarily the case. Even if I don't see my friends often, I know that I can always just text them anytime and they'll be up for anything. I always believe that if a person really considered you as their friend, they're going to find time to spend it with you however busy they may be.

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