I spend outrageous amounts of my time comparing myself to other people. This is a terrible habit to have, because no matter how often I do it, it does not change anything. I don’t really do it with things like appearances or personality (although I am a teenage girl, so it does happen) but I devote way too much time to comparing results at school. Anyone unlucky enough to sit with me in class/at lunch/in free periods will be able to tell you that I spend 99% of my time stressing about marks and how many people are going to beat me. And when people do beat me, as inevitably must happen sometimes, I obsess over the fact that they’re better than me, and how I can improve because there is obviously something fundamentally wrong with me if I’m being beaten. 

One of my close friends, Kate, has had enough of me complaining about my results and so her new favourite thing to remind me is that I can only ever be me. It’s like, no matter how hard you close your eyes and wish to be Selena Gomez, when you open your eyes you’re still going to be you. So no matter how hard I close my eyes and wish for my name to be at the top of the rank sheet, or to see the best mark on my page, unless I’ve actually put the work in and succeeded, it’s not going to change anything. I can spend every lesson of every day complaining about marks and ranks and ATARs and whatever else I word-vomit about, but it’s not going to change the fact that I can only achieve what I am capable of. We’re not all able to get full marks all the time. We’re not all going to get 99.95. Some people are, but they are the minority, not us. Just like we can’t all be famous, or rich, or dating a Jonas Brother, we can’t all be super geniuses. All we can do is do the best with what God gave us, and be thankful for what we do have. 

I’m wasting my life comparing myself to other people, because it’s never going to change anything. The sooner I realise that I am me, and all I can do is my best, regardless of how that compares to the best of the person next to me, the happier I will be. 

Year twelve is the most stressful year of school, and I am only making it worse for myself by freaking out about things that I cannot change. My best is my best, not anyone else’s, and as long as I am reaching my own potential, I should be proud. Yes, it is frustrating and annoying when some people manage to get amazing marks all the time with seemingly no work, but that is their life, and not mine. I need to realise that God has given us all different strengths and skills. We are all unique people wonderfully made to reach our own heights and to follow our own perfectly mapped out paths. We all have an amazing destination awaiting us, and by looking sideways instead of forwards, we are only delaying our trip. We only need to worry about ourselves, because our own lives are the only ones we have the ability to change.

frangipani princess xoxo

One thought on “Compare-A-Holic

  1. From someone older and wiser… the ATAR is all about supply and demand. Who wants to do what etc. It's no real indicator of talent nor even (sometimes) of hard work. Just do your best, see what happens, and know that once you get to uni nobody cares about your ATAR. AND if you don't get into a dream course or whatever, there are so many options to transfer or move around.

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