Suddenly, I’m getting old

I’ve been seventeen for almost four months now, but just how old seventeen is kind of hasn’t really sunk in until the last couple of days. I caught up with an old friend yesterday and we were discussing her upcoming (well, kind of) eighteenth birthday. She happily reminded me that I could almost begin planning my own eighteenth, as it’s ‘just’ eight months away. I knew I was turning eighteen next year, but until that conversation, I just hadn’t realised that wow, in single digit months, I’ll be a legal adult. 

As long time readers would know, I’m not exactly someone who acts like an adult. People often tell me I’m super mature and an ‘old soul’, but I’m more at home dreaming of prince charming and watching the Disney channel than I am at a party or seriously thinking about life as an adult. Just thinking about having to do my own washing and cleaning makes me break out in a cold sweat. 

I realised yesterday that I’m not ready to become an adult. It feels like yesterday I was turning thirteen, and now suddenly, the future is rushing up on me. I’m having serious discussions about university courses and college applications and the hsc, and even though that’s all a year away for me, it’s crashing towards me like an out of control train. 

I’ve always been so sure of what I want to do with my life. So very sure, in fact, that I started this blog the week of my thirteenth birthday so that I could get noticed by people in ‘the industry’. I went for my first week of work experience at a rather young fifteen, and now they can’t get rid of me (this may or may not be my fourth week at DOLLY). I’ve had my university course picked out since I was eleven, my college chosen before I even hit double digits. And yet, as it’s now just around the corner, I’m having a crisis. I realise that I’m getting old. That there are people working in magazines that are mere years older than me. That Leni, the lovely online editor at DOLLY, is the same age as my brother, and it feels like he only just graduated high school. As the future looms, I’m wanting to screech on the brakes because what if I don’t get the ATAR to get into Sydney Uni? What if I get rejected from Wesley? What if I don’t get an internship? What if I never get a magazine job? WHAT IF?!

I know living my life under the threat of ‘what if’ is not a very good way to live. I know I have the ability and the potential to do whatever I set my mind to. I know that once I actually pick a section of journalism I want to work in (Features? Sub-editing? Entertainment? Online? SO MANY CHOICES!), there is a chance that I will one day be able to work in it. I know I’m just as capable as everyone else, if not more so, and I have some pretty good contacts, but somehow it all seemed easier when I first dreamed it up as a pre-tween. When it was a dream, it was such a lovely thing to think about, but now it’s time to actually start making it happen. Well, not really. Now it’s the time to start working at school and work out which subjects to drop and which extensions to pick up and which study camps I’m going to go to next year and how I can stay in touch with the mag-contacts I have under my mum’s strict ‘no work experience in year twelve’ rule and just generally survive the next sixteen months. 

Fingers crossed for me, guys. It’s soon time for me to jump in the deep end, and I’ve just been reminded that I haven’t got any floaties. 

frangipani princess xoxo

4 thoughts on “Suddenly, I’m getting old

  1. I'm in the exact same thought boat as you – except the HSC is only 3-4 months away for me :/Since last year I had my mind on journalism too but suddenly all of this negativity has hit me and I don't think I can do it so I think I might branch off communications in another direction.. but I'm still going to try at it! xx

  2. I can't say I know what it feels like, but I think it's a great thing that you've already starting working towards your goal with your internship. My sister is going to college next year, and she only has an idea of what she wants to do, but she has lots of time to make up and change her mind. So anyway, good luck(:

  3. I'm not ready to be an adult either, even though it's thirteen months away. But urgh, school is so consuming and I have no idea what subjects I want to drop/pick up!I'm really curious. What is a "study camp"? Is it like holidays seminars in different HSC subjects?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s