I do not see why everyone loves Frankie so much.
I am not new to the Frankie party. My first issue was at the beginning of 2009 and I loved it. I loved it’s alternative take on the ‘glossy’ world (I say ‘glossy’ as it’s pages are not, as anyone who has ever picked up a copy would know, actually glossy) and it was a fresh breath into a market filled with celebrity gossip. I loyally bought almost every issue over the next two years until I came home from my trip, bought the new issue and decided enough was enough and I had to put my foot down.
I’m sorry, Frankie. You’ve gone too far.
You’ve crossed the line from ‘cute, alternative read’ to ‘annoyingly repetitive and disgustingly try-hard hipster’.
I thought about actually reviewing this issue for you, but I decided that would make me too angry, so instead I’d just dot point some of the main problems I have with Frankie magazine.
- Regular ‘glossies’ sometimes feature things that aren’t mainstream. Maybe you should take a leaf from their book and occasionally feature something that is. Really.
- Include some fashion the majority of the population would actually wear. And while we’re at it, it’s not like you’re showing anything but run-of-the mill models anyway. Don’t rebut saying that no-one wears what’s in Vogue. That’s different. That stuff is pretty.
- Review something normal. Contrary to whatever you may believe, some of your readership really doesn’t give a damn about soy milk. In one of the first issues I bought you reviewed different instant noodles. I thought that was cute and unique. Two years later, it’s old. Move on.
- Does every article you print have to be dripping in pretentiousness? Reading your magazine doesn’t leave me with the fuzzy feeling reading other magazines does. I’m left feeling like I’m a massive underachiever or just generally not good enough. Here’s a tip: Hire some writers who don’t fill everything they write with how amazing they think they are.
- Not everyone who reads Frankie will be a vegan-hipster-homosexual. Again, variety, people. Maybe occasionally feature a reader who doesn’t live in the middle of nowhere and grow all their own food and generally assume they’re better than those of us who live in cities and gasp, eat meat, and use electricity.
- Hey Frankie, there’s this new thing, it’s called writing in third person. Maybe you should try it sometime.
- Does every picture of every person you ever feature in your pages have to be artistic and unnatural? Really? You can’t take a front on, smilingly retouched one in normal clothes? It’s honestly not that much of a difficult concept, maybe you could try it with the pinhole camera you helpfully taught me how to make in this issue.
I know right now you have a strong readership. It’s because this so called ‘hipster’ trend (which really is a paradox, but again, you don’t want me to get started on one of my hipster rants) is currently popular. Like the Emo or Scene or Beach Bum trends of days gone by, one day everyone will wake up and realise just how stupid this one was and suddenly, because you’re such an annoyingly niche magazine, you’ll die a fast and painful death. Variety, people. Variety. Look up the word and try and incorporate it into your next issue.
As for me, I’m off to calm myself with some soothing celebrity gossip and fast food.
frangipani princess xoxo