I have a pretty big fear of failure, and of others achieving what I want to before/instead of me, so when I first read Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix, I absolutely bawled when Harry didn’t get prefect. I think I cried harder that first time than I did when Sirius died. I know it sounds really weird, but I just felt so sorry for him, I mean, his two best friends became prefects and he was left all alone just being a regular student. I think part of the problem was I am honestly petrified something like that will happen to me. That my friends will get school captain and I won’t. That they’ll make a team and I won’t. That they’ll get into good uni courses and I won’t. Even that they’ll get invited to a party and I won’t. I never want to be left behind, but reading it I realised that if it can happen to Harry Potter, it can, and probably will, happen to me.
What I have worked out though is that yes, even though sometimes I won’t achieve everything I want to, or my friends will excell somewhere I don’t, it’s all part of God’s plan. Maybe I’m not meant to be school captain, maybe I’m meant to help in another way. Maybe there’s a different, and likely better, opportunity waiting just around the corner. I firmly believe that if God shuts one door he at least opens a window (or a secret passageway if you want to be cool) and that He will never let you miss out. He knows what’s going to be best for you in the long run, and I have to remember that. I can’t let my fear of failure hold me back.
I need to take it in my stride like Harry (eventually) did, and guess what? A year (?) later he became Quidditch captain and received the same rewards as the prefects. Maybe I won’t make the team, but I can be sure something equally amazing will come along if I just wait.
frangipani princess xoxo